I’m feeling slighted by a tone. A little, nothing, stupid fucking tone.
But I’m about, oh I don’t know, ten days late on my period. I’ve taken a pregnancy test, I’m not, but still. I’m just waiting patiently for that bitch Aunt Flo.
I said, casually, that it was unusual that she hadn’t ever had a negroni, and she replied, defensively “well, I don’t like gin.” As if I had offended her by saying that it was unusual.
Maybe my tone was more accusatory that I was expecting—that happens a lot with me—or maybe, she was just defensive about her college experience for some reason.
That’s what I usually find—it’s not about me. Oftentimes, people’s reactions are about THEM. What’s tough, especially when you’re PMS-ing, is to not take it personally. I’m all over-estrogened over here, and so my first thought when she responded that way was to feel slighted and hurt. I honestly could have cried right there at my desk. Which would have been weird and super embarrassing.
It’s so much harder to respond professionally than to respond emotionally.
It’s super hard to manage people and a ton of stress.
In my last job, I had to learn to manage what I thought was unmanageable amounts of stress. I had a boss who was a complete hardass, but who taught me so much about being professional first, especially in times of high emotions and stressful situations. She was really hard on me, but she pushed me to be better, to work harder, and to work more efficiently. Because of that really hard year and a half —and a semi-regular yoga practice—I am much better at taking a minute before responding.
I’m also learning—very very s l o w l y—to give people the benefit of the doubt.
She probably didn’t even know that her tone was defensive, or a little mean. She wouldn’t offend me on purpose. She’s managing the best she can, and at the very least, I can manage myself. I own my reactions. I own my emotions, I own my career—and it’s sure as hell not going to go anywhere without some professionalism.